"No" As An Act Of Creation
Written by Deus Fortier on May. 6th 2019
The setting of a boundary is perhaps one of the most vulnerable acts.

When declaring a boundary you are revealing how behaviors and actions affect you, the values you hold, and what you are and aren't willing to tolerate in relation to others and the world.

It is incredibly revealing.

When aligning with ones values by asserting boundaries in this way, there is a natural uneasiness that progresses through various stages of evolution.

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The first stage is fear.

This is the Flight / Freeze response transforming into a Fight response in the nervous system:
"Who am I to declare a boundary? Is it just my ego trying to control things? Will people stop liking/loving me? What if I am just creating more conflict? Is it even necessary for me to set a boundary? Maybe I'm just hypersensitive..." etc.

The second stage is a battle for self-respect.

This is the Fight response transforming into Rest & Digest (safety and security) in the nervous system:
"I deserve to be treated with respect! Who is this person the treat me that way. I'm not going to put up with this anymore. Fuck this, I'm saying something. I'm going to stand up for myself" etc.

Thirdly is a surrendering into selfless service.

This is when Safety and Security is permanently rooted into the nervous system and evolves beyond self into service.
No fighting, no defending, only honoring.
In this state there is a recognition that setting healthy boundaries actively halts the perpetuation of destructive or life-defeating behavior, supporting personal & collective self-realization through the active, embodied relational expression of noble qualities.

"No, because I love you."

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It is normal to oscillate between these stages depending on the unique circumstances we are facing and how we relate to them emotionally according to our unresolved traumas.

As we learn to process our emotional wounds and move through these stages by establishing relational boundaries, we are inevitably challenged by those who are used to unregulated relational environments, or who benefit from our passive compliance.

There will be tantrums, retaliations, and coercion tactics galore in response to the erection of a relational boundary, which tests the stability and integrity of the structure.

When a boundary successfully weathers that storm however, held intact by nobility, grace, dignity and conviction, a new realm of relationship is born.

As the new relational landscape is successfully established, a higher version of relating will naturally rise up out of the fertile soils of trust, respect, and safety that healthy boundaries foster.
The new relational standard will liberate everyone involved, and those who are unable to meet the new quality threshold will slowly fall away, creating more space for supportive, loving relationships.

Our "No" can truly be an act of creation.

Deus Fortier

Deus Fortier helps men unleash their masculine power and emotional depth. He is an expert at activating latent human potential through online, group, and 1on1 coaching.
If you're interested in living an outrageously satisfying life, then definitely reach out and request a free strategy session today.
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